Technology, it’s a wonderful thing; improving lives and making our daily routines that bit easier, quicker, more fun and more entertaining, or simply giving us something to fiddle with while we wait for the number 24 bus to turn up. However, sometimes – okay, ‘regularly’ – people lose sight of the purpose of technology, and this erudite series of rage-enhanced mutterings aims to capture these moments.
You work as a bottom-feeding, j-list stalking, talentless, vacuous hack for a red-top. Ego swollen after a night of soulless rutting with a boy-bander who doesn’t know your name, you feel you’re a big enough hitter to strike out on your own – to take your p1ss-poor ramblings and plagiarised detritus direct to the masses. So you start your own BLOG!*GASP*
But robbed of the sub-editors who previously polished your skitterishly turd-like paragraphs, you’re left with a series of brand name-dropping begging letters, attempts to blag freebies and “Look at me.. LOOK AT ME!” missives that read like a 7 year old’s application for Big Brother. Written in crayon. Previously you were Joe Mott; now you’re Zoe Griffin. Please do something else.
maybe not necessarily annoying, but i chuckled when i saw seven businessmen sat together at a table in Departures in Heathrow all of whom were on their smartphones, tapping away. ahhh, modern technology – bringing people together.
i saw someone using two Blackberries at once over the weekend. Why? unless you’ve got two jobs and two email addresses why do you need two? and two jobs is frankly a bit bloody greedy in the current economic climate if you ask me
right. wearing a bluetooth headset AND holding your phone up to your mouth to speak. you’ve not quite got the hang of this headset malarkey have you?
music phones are all well and good young man and i’m glad you’re embracing technology despite the very obvious difficulties you have socially, but please can you buy some earphones and not listen to Million Dan at full blast at eight in the morning? there’s a good chap.
if you’re speaking to your doctor about your problem ‘down there’ and complaining that it still hurts and the cream doesn’t work, probably best go somewhere else other than the speed till queue in Sainsbury
unless you have glue ear, there really is no need for you to have what equates to a sonic boom on your phone every time you get a new message